Monday, March 11, 2013

Guest Post: Secret Agent Alert

An entertaining installment in our guest post series from my sister - who has a fond, fond obsession/appreciation for James Bond movies and the secret agent genre. This is what she submitted when I asked her to write a post about my moving to the north.


Author’s Note: As secure missives have a woeful history of being compromised, I’ve taken it upon myself to hide in plain sight. Names and relationships have been sufficiently altered; oceans of salt would do readers good.

It has been brought to my attention that I cannot guest-post on this blog simply by thrusting forward a couple hundred pictures of Sleeping Cats. Apparently, the results wouldn’t be diverse, or relevant to anyone’s interests.

Clearly, my sister is blind to the Times and is in woeful possession of a jagged-edged lump of coal instead of the typical four-quadrant organ known in more archaic terms as a “heart”.

That said, her image has no doubt been softened by the puppy she has just adopted, but I remain skeptical, and would advise you, dear readers, to do the same. I have been in contact with Lily fairly often since the beginning of her Northern Adventures (I don’t much like calling it The Journey, or something tedious like The Move, because the former brings to mind Hobbits, and the latter has a deplorable lack of drama.) and I will do my best to share the chiefest of my concerns with you.

  1. Lily has an almost monstrous amount of courage, and if left to fester, this quality will one day leave us quite helpless before her. To be fair, she has not yet harnessed the full power of her determination, but preparations should be in place for that inevitable day. 
  2. Lily has the disturbing ability to make me miss her. Clearly, this hints at a deeply charismatic individual whose influence can penetrate several province borders. This is most unsavory. Every fiber of my being resents being emotionally compromised, and given how she has overturned my defenses with such inane messages as “DDDDDDD:” and “”, I find myself rather “>: (“. 
  3. Lily writes letters. A furious number of letters and postcards, in fact. The missives that have crossed my desk are often light in tone, as if she has something to hide, or as if she is aware of the vulnerabilities of open communication. Her stationery is remarkably in-character, and I suspect, secretly diabolical: cupcake recipes often adorn the covers, and I have yet to determine if these are coded maps, elaborate grocery lists, or if the particular locations of frosting swirls are actually hidden moon runes, to be read by the same light as that under which she designed them. Her penmanship is rounded and compact; her touch is light. I am no student of graphology, but. Again. A tidbit that is worth your while to consider.  

As always, I fear words are unsatisfactory. Glancing over my earlier writings, I made mention of my sister’s softened image. I apologize for the deception. “Softened” is so often linked to, or more horrifyingly, is used as a synonym for “blunted”, and let me assure you that there is nothing “blunted” about my sister. Indeed, I would not have spent the past several months missing her so much, if there were. Be assured that I am working on rectifying my mind’s insubordination, though as of this moment, I have no conclusive results to report.
*****Note: An abrupt and hasty exit, likely due to time constrictions, or, more likely, a fear of discovery. “Blog post” for your review. Extraneous images of cats omitted. Agent has been silent, since. Immediate extraction recommended. Discussing with Agent proper and non-cryptic means of providing data, also recommended. 

Are you interested in guest posting on our blog? We welcome you to post a comment below and express your interest - we'd be happy to "host" your stories on our blog as well! -L&J

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