Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Scientific Breakthroughs

When you stop to think about it, science is a pretty amazing subject. It has been responsible for many amazing breakthroughs, discoveries and inventions over the last half-century. Cures for diseases, technological advances, and medical triumphs are only a few of the incredible achievements we owe to the faculty of modern science endeavour.

That said, there are still a number of key mysteries that remain unsolved; mysteries that, once solved, with greatly enhance our comfort levels. One of the most important and pressing issues science needs to unlock, in my humble opinion, is how to make dog pee odourless to humans.

I realize I may have lost a few of you just now, but for those of you with dogs, you can perhaps better appreciate how difficult a struggle this can be. Pepper is a wonderful animal and both Lily and I love him dearly, but given his diminutive size and our harsh winters, he is an indoor dog for most of the year. This means using pee pads, with which he is about 80% accurate. That leaves 20% under the heading of "accidents", which tend to congregate along baseboards and furniture.

He knows he's not supposed to do this - I've caught him several times, and his ears go back and he slinks away unhappily, but for some reason, he still has these accidents. So roughly once a week, I pull out the mop and bucket and swab the deck. And I gotta tell you, dog urine has a really unpleasant smell. About the only thing that effectively counteracts it is vinegar, and that also leaves behind a potent and disturbing odour.

Look, I get it - prehistoric dogs had to mark their territory, so it makes sense that there would be a powerful smell to accompany it. But it really sucks having to clean it up. So if anyone out there knows some scientists who are working on seemingly important projects like flying cars or the fountain of youth, please tell them to put these frivolous tasks on hold and focus on something that really matters - pleasant-smelling dog pee.

-J

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